Monday, June 22, 2009

Weaning

So...here it is. Thomas is (was) still nursing. I know, he's almost two. But...as crazy as it is, we both love it. Or loved it, rather. I have said I would stop for a while, but then Thomas kept getting sick, or having esophagus problems so he could eat anything for a week, and couldn't even drink milk without throwing it back up. But...he could nurse, so we kept it up. Plus, he is my baby, and it's just so sweet. We have begun the weening process, and it has been so hard for me to let it go. But, I know that I must. Thomas is not doing this willingly...not in the slightest. When I was doing my student teaching, he would do the sign for milk (his sign for nursing) as soon as I got home, and he nursed at least three times a day. Since I am done with my student teaching and Thomas gets uninterrupted mommy time, he has been able to only nurse in the morning. Last night I decided that my yearning for baby #2 is getting stronger, so I really need to stop nursing. So, last night I made sure there was a sippy cup full of milk in the fridge, so when Thomas woke up at 6:00 and wanted to climb in bed with mama and nurse, he would have some milk ready. It was not a good substitute, and he cried (and so did I). It kills me to see him so sad. He went back to sleep after I rocked him a bit, and tonight he again went to bed without nursing. It's want I wanted, but I'm still so sad about it. What if I never have another baby? What if I never get a chance to nurse again? What if I never have this special bond with my baby? Aww, motherhood, so sweet, and so difficult. And so goes the weaning process. I think we are almost there, where I told my self I want to be...but I want to "cheat" so badly. Would it really be so bad to go wake him up and let him nurse just for a second, one last time? He's just too precious. But...I won't, in hopes that Thomas will soon have a sibling. What I wouldn't do for my sweet, sweet boy.

2 comments:

Andrew and Michelle said...

Kayla, how emotional! Thanks for sharing and I can't wait till you have another baby too...hope you're still in Eugene then!
michelle

Jen said...

It will get better, you'll find other ways to bond. Gavin wakes up at 8 am and the first thing he does in the morning is to come find me and ask to cuddle. You forged a great bond with your little guy, he'll always be yours.