still chugging away on this masters project. i feel like it will never end. i feel like steven and i will never again go to bed at the same time. however, i only have two and a half weeks left of this...and then i'm done.

forever.

i almost can't believe it when i say it out loud. part of me will miss it, but most of me will not. i live and breathe for the freedom that awaits me in just a few short weeks. it's like the anticipation of christmas that i had as a little girl...
only better.

random thoughts

steven has left me to go to scout camp with his
little brother,and i miss him like crazy.
but at the same time,
i'm so glad to be married to someone sweet enough
to dedicate three days to camping
with his little bro, who
wouldn't be able to go otherwise.

my eyes hurt like crazy, and always do.
pregnancy ruined my eyes,
and i've come to the sad realization that
they can't be fixed.
glasses don't work. and i hate them.
what is a girl to do when her eyes go out on her
at the ripe age of 24? ugh.

i want to move so badly! i hate our apartment,
and long forhardwood floors, and
huge windows that fill our living room with
natural light. i'm going to look at one tomorrow,
sans husband,
and will be late to class because of it.
but i don't care, because this may be "the one."

i wish i was done with school. oh how i wish i was done.
this masters project is looming over my head,
and i can't wait to see thefinal product.
but, once i'm done, i will long to have the
steady input of new information,
and will want to go back. it's a love hate relationship.

i love my new camera, and wish i knew how to use it.
now all i need is a teeny little laptop to call my own, and
dedicate to all things creative.

on the topic of wanting....which seems to be a horrible trend
in my thoughts as of late...i want to someday have a room
that can be dedicated to craftiness and creativity
i envision a long table, and lots of shelves
packed with all things creative.

lastly...i need to tidy up before i go to sleep.

new addition...to the blog that is.

the lovely and talented lindsay moore created a lovely header for me, and i love it! don't i look so much more put together now? i think so! now i need your input...should i leave the cartoon version of myself, add a cartoon steven and thomas, or just have the T? any suggestions?

still weaning...

i envisioned this process being much more....relaxed. so far it is not. thomas hasn't nursed for over a week, and i'm still uncomfortable and sore. naturally, i have been...

taking descongestants

and using...

cabbage leaves

(yes, i said cabbage leaves). people swear by them, and actually, i did too when i first started nursing. however, nothing seems to help. tonight i even drank sage tea, which actually isn't as bad as i thought it would be. add a bit of lemon and it's actually quite good. any other suggestions? how long is this supposed to take?

p.s. my heavenly baby who sleeps until 9:00 is long gone. he now wakes up when he used to get up to nurse, only instead of nursing and going back to sleep, he now just stays awake and begs for a "nana" (banana) or waffaf (waffle). he's now an early riser, and i don't like it one bit. i would much rather get up at 9:00 than 5:30. i hope this is a phase he will grow out of, but part of me knows he won't. at least i now have a motivation to get out of bed early...and a cute one at that.

happy 3 years to us!

did i mention it was our anniversary? of course not...i'm so horrible.

i have been married to the greatest guy for THREE whole years. yep, three. it's been everything i could have imagined. although i honestly never really thought about what marriage would be like, i know steven has exceeded anything i could have dreamed up. he is so wonderful to me, even when i don't deserve it. he works hard at everything he does (which is why he has been at the library all week studying to take the mcat AGAIN, and filling out secondary applications). plus, he's pretty stinkin' cute....don't you think?



i think so. oh, how i love him.

leisurely afternoon

now that i'm not completely overwhelmed with school, i finally have a bit of time to read. this is what i have been reading...
...and so far, i really like it.

i forget how much i love to just sit and read for hours. i cannot wait to be done with school. i'm also glad thomas still takes long naps, to allow for such indulgences.

Weaning

So...here it is. Thomas is (was) still nursing. I know, he's almost two. But...as crazy as it is, we both love it. Or loved it, rather. I have said I would stop for a while, but then Thomas kept getting sick, or having esophagus problems so he could eat anything for a week, and couldn't even drink milk without throwing it back up. But...he could nurse, so we kept it up. Plus, he is my baby, and it's just so sweet. We have begun the weening process, and it has been so hard for me to let it go. But, I know that I must. Thomas is not doing this willingly...not in the slightest. When I was doing my student teaching, he would do the sign for milk (his sign for nursing) as soon as I got home, and he nursed at least three times a day. Since I am done with my student teaching and Thomas gets uninterrupted mommy time, he has been able to only nurse in the morning. Last night I decided that my yearning for baby #2 is getting stronger, so I really need to stop nursing. So, last night I made sure there was a sippy cup full of milk in the fridge, so when Thomas woke up at 6:00 and wanted to climb in bed with mama and nurse, he would have some milk ready. It was not a good substitute, and he cried (and so did I). It kills me to see him so sad. He went back to sleep after I rocked him a bit, and tonight he again went to bed without nursing. It's want I wanted, but I'm still so sad about it. What if I never have another baby? What if I never get a chance to nurse again? What if I never have this special bond with my baby? Aww, motherhood, so sweet, and so difficult. And so goes the weaning process. I think we are almost there, where I told my self I want to be...but I want to "cheat" so badly. Would it really be so bad to go wake him up and let him nurse just for a second, one last time? He's just too precious. But...I won't, in hopes that Thomas will soon have a sibling. What I wouldn't do for my sweet, sweet boy.